“At any rate, where I learned it doesn’t matter.” I lied, more to myself than to Zephyra. “This is the only intact thing we’ve found so far, so we should skim it a bit.”
“Right, make sense to me. You do that, I’ll keep digging.”
“Got it.” I confirmed, flipping the page. I knew this book somehow, and I couldn’t tell if the title was familiar to me because of my sister or because of my own reading. The binding itself felt strangely familiar as well, as if it was just another part of my lap where it rested. In fact, the texture was similar to holding hands when I flipped the pages. Each page was a slightly different tone from the other, and that couldn’t have been from age considering the text itself was new. Still, the familiarity of the texture was secondary to the strange kinship I felt radiating from the inner pages, each flip bringing me closer to that feeling.
Do not fear the void.
Hunger for stagnation.
Always feed our true peace.
Grieve not the light.
Always feed our true peace.
Ruminate your value, and serve.
I mulled the passage over carefully, the wretched feeling of the novel becoming more and more alien to me as I grew to hate the feeling of my skin touching this skin-like substance. At once I felt itchy on my wound , so much so that I couldn’t control myself and had to scratch it through my clothes. I knew this would cause me to start bleeding again, but I couldn’t have cared less. The only person here was another worthless soldier for a worthless city that deserved to crumble.
What was I saying?
“I think I figured it out.” I said, calmly despite my fears. “Come over here, soldier.” no, please don’t. That’s what I wanted to scream. It was like I wasn’t in control of my own body.
“What’s up?” she called over, as clueless as could be. She seemed to realize something was amiss when she sat beside me and saw my hand trembling, though. Trembling with an excitement I hadn’t felt in quite some time as I reached for the woman’s face, bringing her into eye contact with me. It was in the reflection of her eyes that I saw my form changing to that of the red haired woman I knew myself to be pursuing all this time. I saw her smile through my body, and I saw the look of terror on Zephyra’s face, which I found to be alluring in my disturbed state. It was here, I knew the truth.
“You have very nice eyes.” I spoke softly, running a hand up her cheek. She seemed to resist, and I wanted to apologize and tell her to get away from me before it was too late, but my voice was no longer mine.
“We have a job to do, can you not-” Zephyra would speak no further, as her words became screams and I felt my thumb dig behind her eye.There was a popping sound and then a wet squish as it smacked her cheek, her body beginning to convulse and her screaming muting into a faint. I realized that my own hand had covered her mouth as her screams began, and the pain mixed with that muffling must have shut her down temporarily. There was part of me that found this sight beautiful, but the overwhelming majority of me wanted to rush her to the hospital and protect her. My legs found no energy to run, nor did my arms find the need to cradle her safely or administer any rudimentary first-aid. Instead, I saw myself playing with the stalk of her former eye, my fingernails ground against it as I rolled it between my fingers. The sound of the flesh cutting slowly and steadily was as intoxicating as it was sickening, and I told myself I’d cut my own hand off after I gained control again. This woman using my body would never hurt anyone else again. I’d end my own life if I had to, and she couldn’t stop me when we switched back. My
My ability to restrain myself apparently grew too weak, as I saw my hand move the eye to my lips, where I could taste it. I remember the feeling of it against my tongue, and then the sensation as I bit down on the soft object and felt no resistance as it broke down in my mouth. The taste was not unpleasant, but the idea of what it was made me want to vomit out everything I’d ever eaten. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was enjoying this though, and I hated myself for it.
I saw myself rubbing her head gently with the same hand, like one would do to their child, and then wiping the blood away from her socket and brushing my hair back, soaking it into my scalp. With no physical control, all I could do was hope that my thoughts would reach someone somehow, but I knew it to be impossible. The futility of this scene sank in and I was close to accepting my fate, until I heard the door burst open behind us. Perhaps I don’t give my friends enough credit, as I saw my favorite blue haired stargazer in the doorway, and she seemed to know exactly what was going on from the look on her face.
I’m not sure how much time had passed before I saw her, but it can’t have been long. I wondered how she found us so easily and so perfectly at the correct time, but I decided I no longer cared. I felt myself look right into her eyes as well, and I screamed and begged for her to kill me, but the words that came out were nothing of the sort.
“You’re interrupting.” I said, raising a hand. I saw a purple flame emit from my index finger and concentrate, but as quickly as it appeared, it vanished, and I felt myself tumbling over. My ears were ringing so I almost couldn’t focus, but I saw a flash of light come from behind Alarice , and in her hand some form of weapon I’d never seen before. It was compact, and seemed to take the shape of a curved dagger but it was blunt at the back and tip with no crossguard anywhere to be found. I couldn’t make out how she had used such a small tool to emit such a powerful light and knock me over, but I was grateful that she did. I felt my head crash into the floor below, and with that, my body became mine to control again. Panicking, I grabbed the nearest object I could find that felt sharp and gripped it tightly with the hand I’d used on Zephyra, only to feel my wrist tightly gripped by another.
“Don’t.” I heard Alarice speak. “I know it wasn’t you. You know it wasn’t you. Don’t throw away the chance to stop what it was.”
Her voice was so calm, as if she’d known exactly what to say or perhaps had said it before. I struggled to free myself from her grip, but I could tell she was far stronger than she let on during the years I’ve known her.
“Let go!” I called back. “I don’t care who it was, they used me to do it!”
“I can’t.” she said, quickly and just as calmly. “You’re still needed, and frankly, I’m not about to watch my friend kill herself.”
“But-!” she cut me off.
“Zephyra dying here at your hands would mean that the book disappears, and without Zephyra to state what happened you get blamed for not only her death but also his. This leads to an all out war in which your sisters are killed, your father loses himself to his rage, and the entire planet is laid to waste. So again I say, I will not release you.”
“H-hang on, what do you mean?” I asked, feeling my grip loosen as my hand went numb.
“I can explain later. But trust me, Zephyra will not blame you.”
“You promise you’ll explain?”
“Behind closed doors, and away from that.” she pointed her free arm to the book. “You read a passage from that and it caused you to lose control, right? We can’t speak freely with that in the room.”
I hesitated, but my resistance had stopped. Instead, I was just thinking about Zephyra and making sure she was safe.
“My magic doesn’t work, can you help her?”
“Gladly.” Alarice released me, content that I was not going to do anything reckless I assumed, and moved over to picking up the wounded soldier. I pushed myself to my feet, noticing that my shoulder was bleeding more than expected, and brushed myself off before reaching for the book, only to be shouted at to stop.
“Don’t you dare! You touch that thing again and we’re both in danger!” Alarice said. “Let’s have some scholars come get it while the rest of her squad oversees the scene.”
“R-right… Thank you.” I felt myself still shaking, but it wasn’t in fear. I was frustrated with myself for allowing that creature to overtake me again. At least I could now confirm that it was part of me, and that meant I could exorcise it, or so I’d hoped.
We stepped out into the streets once more, carrying Zephyra with us. The rest of the soldiers standing guard were overtaken with concern and began to leave their posts, but Alarice addressed them in their lapse.
“Stay here and stay guard. Don’t go in there at any cost. Something in there is magical in nature and can control bodies”
I wondered why they were listening to her, but then I saw them perform a salute that was nothing like the ones I’d observed earlier or at any point in the city. It wasn’t hard to see that these soldiers were planted here by Alarice for some purpose, but how she had so much influence that I’d never noticed was puzzling me greatly.
None of the soldiers spoke a word about my injury on my arm, or the blood in my hair and on my lips, They seemed to be just as aware as she was of the situation. When we had made some distance between the building and ourselves, I decided to interrogate her.
“What did you attack me with that stopped me?” I asked, cutting to the point. She motioned with her as if to shrug.
“It’s technology I can’t afford to share right now. Maybe when we’re safer.”
“I see.” I mouthed to myself the possibilities under my breath, crossing my arms until I felt a sharp pain run through the one that didn’t have the seal on it. I gripped the pained area and felt strong heat, like a burn from a spell,
“This was you, wasn’t it?” I asked through pained breaths. She nodded.
“Don’t worry, it’s not lethal. It won’t even cripple you. I made sure I just did enough to shock you.”
“And the light?”
“I opened the door.” she retaliated in such a sterile tone that I almost missed that she was playing with me.
“Right…” I began to feel the pain dull again, so I imagine the adrenaline had worn off and caused it to hit me all at once. “Let’s say I believe you, that you know all of this stuff. Why should I survive? What happens if I do?”
“Without you, there is nobody to fight what’s coming.” she responded in her empty tone again.
“Who exactly are you, really?”
She stopped walking, and I noticed we were now by ourselves in an alley. I hadn’t paid much attention to where we were going, as at this point I was blindly trusting my friend. She laid Zephyra down on the ground gently, and I saw her pull out some sort of silver liquid in a glass tube and then pour it into the girls’ mouth. I assumed this was some form of medicine, and let her do what she needed.
“I’m still me, and you’re still you.” Alarice spoke to me. “But I can’t say much beyond that. Not yet.”
“Well then, when?” I was probably more harsh than needed in my tone, but her response was just as cold.
“When telling you won’t alter the course.”
Magna Varia 